Look Ma, I'm a Writer!

is what we play
in our house
every Monday¹ night.

Seven contenders
(myself included)
fight over who
gets to sit on

The Adler La-Z-Time® Reclining Chair
by La-Z Boy
"combines the styling of a stationary chair
with the added benefit of reclining",
nicknamed the "Iron Throne"
because of its rust-colored seat cover.

The Contenders:

My father
a.k.a. Lord Eddard
who would rather watch
that new documentary on Discovery Channel,
The Hounds of Winter.

My mother
a.k.a. Lady Catelyn
who would rather watch
her favorite channel,
Smart Parenting TV.

My eldest brother
a.k.a. King Robb
who would rather play
Command and Conquer
on his PlayStation.

My eldest sister
a.k.a. Sansa
who would rather watch
her favorite series
on the History Channel,
Most Beloved Medieval Princesses.

My other sister
a.k.a. Arya
who would rather watch
any contact sport on ESPN,
making my mother doubt
whether she's a lesbian.

My youngest brother
a.k.a. Rickon
who would rather watch
anything animated.


None of those contenders
got to sit on
the Iron Throne.
I always won,
the undefeated champion
of the game of thrones.

But they are my family,
and therefore, not stupid.
So they formed an alliance,
pooled all their resources,
and purchased a TiVo.




¹ The original used "Sunday". The word "Monday" appears in the pirated version, because most pirates come from Asia, which crosses the date line before the rest of the world.

this painting has been
for four years now.
But the painter has
refused to release it,
not because it was unfinished,
but because she felt
there was still something missing.

But she couldn't quite
put a finger on it.
She would stare at this portrait
for hours on end,
and the female face
would stare back at her,
mocking her.

But today was the day
she would finally complete this painting.
She was a practitioner
of the Wiccan arts,
and on this day,
she would offer a prayer
to the goddess Venus
as the planet sailed across
the face of the Sun God.

And she did offer a prayer,
a weird mix
of Latin and Gaelic,
invoking inspiration
from the goddess of beauty.
She muttered her prayer,
while staring at the sun
through her solar spectacles.

And then
it hit her.

She ran to her desk,
and finding a black marker,
she rushed back to her painting,
then placed a small black dot
right above the portrait's upper lip.
Then she stepped back,
admired her work
and whispered,
"Finally."

Three days later,
she made half a million pesos
for her painting
30 inches by 45 inches,
oil on canvas,
entitled
"The Transit of Venus".