The Sensory Autopsy Report

SENSORY AUTOPSY RESULTS


Dear Sir:

We have here now the results of our brand new procedure called the Sensory Autopsy, which we have conducted on your wife.

The Sensory Autopsy is a unique procedure, wherein the subject's brain is plugged into a sensory scanner, which then analyzes the final data processed by her senses immediately before her death.

The findings for her senses of Touch, Taste, Smell, and Sight are consistent with a state of complete sobriety. No trace of alcohol, drugs, or any intoxicating substances were present in her system during the final minutes before the automobile accident; therefore, no finding of fault or negligence can be attributed to her.

However, the findings for her sense of Hearing revealed that she was listening to a song minutes before her death. We isolated the song and sent it to Forensics for identification. Forensics sent back their reply, which stated:

"We have analyzed the car radio from the automobile wreckage, and have come to the conclusion that no music was playing immediately before the accident, as the car radio was turned off. However, we ran the song you sent us through our database, and have identified it as "The Song of the Pied Piper".

"The Song of the Pied Piper" has always been regarded as legend and myth, and is supposedly the last song a person hears before being summoned by Death. The Sensory Autopsy result for your wife is actually the first shred of scientific evidence that the song actually exists.

If you heard "The Song of the Pied Piper" that was taken from your wife's Sensory Autopsy results, you need not worry, as it is merely a recording. It is only when heard live that it becomes a death call. We are truly sorry for your loss, but we ask you not to mourn, as every one of us will get the chance to hear "The Song of the Pied Piper" sooner or later. Hopefully not sooner.


Our condolences,

Director,
Sensory Autopsy Department



*Requiescat in Pace, Remedios S. Esquivias, 1959-2009